Adrift (15)

Why is there never a shark around when you need one?

Six thoroughly unappealing people - a bunch of high-fiving chest-pounding males and vapidly whooping females - go on a cruise to celebrate a birthday.

They have a huge yacht, they jump into the water for a swim, and then, because they jumped off the side of the boat, they realise no one put the ladder down. They are stuck in the ocean with no way of getting back on board.

As well as being the six least likable people in the world they are also the six most stupid. Albeit from the comfort of my cinema seat, I could see about three ways they could get back on board including the one that finally does the trick a little late in the day.

This is roughly where I was willing a passing school of sharks to chow down big time on these losers. No such luck.

The situation itself is intensely dramatic but the unappealing cast and thoroughly pedestrian direction sucks the life out of the film. Hence that overwhelming desire for some sort of ocean-going predator to liven things up.

For its American release the film is called Open Water 2, which is just going to make people expect to see even more sharks and be even more disappointed.