My Bloody Valentine 3D (18)

Alison Rowat's Review

Another title for Patrick Lussier’s rebooted horror would be “101 Ways to Kill Someone With a Pickaxe”. Welcome back to the town of Harmony, where once upon a time a disgruntled miner, almost killed in a pit disaster, sought his bloody revenge on Valentine’s Day. Fast forward several years and villainous Harry Warden appears to be back. Or is he?

Lussier makes inventive use of 3-D, sending just about every pit tool he can spinning towards the camera – yes, I ducked. Just as well the special effects aren’t bad, since the acting is about as wooden as the mine’s supports.

Paul Greenwood's Review

Now that all the classic horrors have been remade, an ideas-free Hollywood is forced to turn to those that no one remembers anyway.

Hence we have this blaring and nonsensical updating of a little seen 1981 Canadian slasher that concerns a masked psycho terrorising a small mining town ten years after his first rampage.

Save for one decent eyeball gag, the 3D effect is mostly pointless, and the whole thing is so dark as to be almost unwatchable.

Throwing mutilated corpses at us from the off, it does have a refreshing 80s attitude towards gore and nudity, but that also extends to the cheap and amateur nature of the performances.

Ultimately My Bloody Valentine is bereft of tension, scares or logic and is ridiculously dragged out to over 100 minutes before a climax that is beyond idiotic.